The Betchelor

Kay and Derek are back and they are filled to the brim with “Bachelor In Paradise” gossip. At 6:40 they talk about David and how he’s back to his old tricks, bad mouthing Jordan by spreading rumors that he is only here to “settle”. At 12:15 they discuss Colton and the mess that he’s made for himself in paradise by leading Tia on. Kay says you can see Colton hit his breaking point when Becca finally shows up and surprises everyone. At 17:00 they discuss the rose ceremony and its twists and turns. Tia gives her rose to Chris? Bibiana gives a rose to Colton?! At 23:40 they play a very special ‘Paradise’ edition of Shoot, Fu*k, Marry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kay and Derek are back with 5 hours of Bachelor Television rolled into one action packed podcast. They discuss the “Bachelorette” finale and it’s few surprises. At 6:10 Derek explains that Blake got screwed by being the second guy to meet Becca’s family. At 17:00 they discuss ABC’s attempt to address Garrett’s love for racist memes and whether or not his apology was sincere. At 20:00 they move into “Bachelor In Paradise” and their first impressions of the cast. At 29:00 Derek spills the tea on what happened during his season of ‘Paradise’. Who’s bunk bed did he steal? Who ruined the most microphones? Why is everyone wearing puka shells? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kay and Derek are joined by everyone’s favorite male model, Jordan Kimball, to discuss the “Men Tell All”. At 2:15, Jordan explains where he gets his analogies from and how he plans to elevate them to a “biblical” level in the future. At 4:20, they mention that Lincoln is missing from the episode and Jordan spills some tea about what it was like to bunk with him. At 8:00, Derek can’t understand why Colton called out Jordan on the Tell All. Jordan doesn’t seem to care, he’s just hoping that Colton can embrace being a virgin and be comfortable in his own skin. At 15:31, Kay says she’s disappointed with this year’s glow ups, which gives Jordan an opportunity to defend his glow up strategy. At 27:00, Kay and Derek confess their love for Joe The Grocer and Jordan explains that he and Joe bro out extremely hard in the upcoming “Bachelor in Paradise”. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Betches gives a rose to your new hosts of The Betchelor, Kay Brown and Derek Peth! Kay and Derek sink their teeth into Tour Guide Becca’s Thailand adventure with the boys. At 7:33, they talk about Becca ruining this week's episode by saying she’s in love with Blake and Garrett, but only falling in love with Jason….bye Jason! Derek explains that most of these contestants are only with the Bachelor/Bachelorette for 15 hours before they get engaged. At 13:33, Kay can’t get over how obsessed Blake is over Becca. Blake is stuttering, sweating and twitching like a Becca addict. At 17:30, they talk about Becca’s cricket dinner with Jason which turns out to be his last meal. At 24:00, Derek explains his theory that Jason is positioning himself to be the next Bachelor. At 25:50, they talk about Becca going river rafting with boring Garrett. At 29:14, Derek speaks about his very public breakup with Taylor and gives the listeners some breakup advice of his own. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Aleen and Jordana are joined by the host of 1010 WINS “The Trend”, Rebecca Granet. It’s Hometown Date Week and there’s a lot to discuss. Is Becca’s stylist doing a bad job? Rebecca gives Garrett the award for biggest letdown of the season. Despite being from Buffalo, they agree that Jason’s stock is rising, while Blake’s mom makes him sound like a loser. At 28:50, it’s time for Colton’s sex ed class with Chris Harrison. Finally, at 34:00, they discuss who the next Bachelor might be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen says this was a good episode but nothing really happened at all. They talk about Garrett and his love for racist memes - Becca still doesn't know. They move onto Colton and how he's a virgin that can't drive. Isn't it cruel that they took him on a boat making sexual conk puns? Aleen finds him boyish. Sami is confused at why sports and football would preclude him from having sex. They theorize that he's gay because guys pretty much only want to have sex. So what's the deal, Colton? This is not to say all of the other guys aren't flawed as they definitely are. Blake, Colorado is not the state with the most sunshine. Jason has nothing to say. All in all, Becca got stuck with a bad lot. Discussing Garrett's beliefs, they talk about the male tendency to reduce a woman's action to a thing women in general do. They wrap up making predictions about the end of the season. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Aleen are joined by Alexis Waters to talk about this and past seasons of the Bachelor. She talks about listing her job as "Aspiring dolphin trainer", how she had to go with a shark costume, and mentions that she wouldn't "boom" anyone on this season. They move onto this season and agree that Jason is the frontrunner. Nobody likes Chris. Jordana thinks he seems like an angry Ben Stiller and/or Eddie, the crazy roommate from friends. Lincoln got sent home, but who cares? Sometimes Bachelorettes have really good style and other times their name is Becca. They wrap up talking about Scallops Girl. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana have gotten complaints that they don't actually like the show, but they can't help it if it's objectively bad. They talk about Vegas - is it the perfect place to fall in love or the exact opposite? Sami views Becca's approval of Colton as obligatory. After, they move onto the Wayne Newton portion of the episode. Hopefully, one day we can live in a world where contestants don't have to write songs (or Google Wayne Newton). They talk about Jordan and his preoccupation with his skin care, hair care, and the gym. At 22:39, they play some games including "Shoot, fuck, marry" Jordan, Chris and David. And don't miss: Would you rather have sex with Wayne Newton or Chicken? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen sits down with Tyler Gilden to discuss this season of the Bachelor. They talk about Garrett (and his questionable likes on Instagram). After they move onto to group dates. Then they talk about Jean Blanc’s massive downward spiral. Finally, they move onto Becca’s blah date with Wills. Don’t miss ample roasting of David. Like, who falls off a bed? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen debuts on the Betchelor for this season of Bachelorette. She's mainly relieved that no one is saying, “Let’s do the damn thing." She and Jordana discuss Jordan, who may be good looking, but how often does he get a SECOND date? Everyone on the show is officially a climber. The Colton and Tia drama is ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the faceplant situation with Chicken. Chris talks like a robot. They wrap up going over Becca's likely top 4 and talking shit about Arie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana are joined by Bachelor favorite Corinne Olympios to talk about this season and more. Regarding last night: the group dates are cheesy and the guys are overly dramatic. It all feels like sleep-away camp. And the forced meet ups with former contestants are way too much. They also talk about Corinne’s beef with Taylor and how the producers are milking stories just a bit too much (could it be the lack of breakout talent?). If you’ve ever wanted to know who Corinne was friends with and who she was ready to back stab at a moment’s notice, it’s a must-listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana sit down with former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman to kick off Becca’s season. They discuss what it’s like to be the lead, and how life changes after the show ends and you have a million new insta followers. They touch on Ashley and Jared’s new relationship, Andi’s old relationships, the pros and cons of going on the show, and if the guys are really getting worse every season or it just seems that way. What’s it really like on the first night? How do you remember everyone’s names? Why does it seem like the contestants only hang out with each other after the season ends? These answers and more on this new episode of the Betchelor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Sami meet with Bekah M. and Kendall. They talk sororites, eating on location during the Bachelor, and Kendall's love for dead animals. Bekah is wearing the circular earrings that Arie put his fingers through. After, they interview the author of Bachelor Nation who gives them a look behind the scenes of this season (and who can't stand Arie as much as the rest of us). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Aleen discuss the season finale of The Bachelor. Arie and Becca's awkward, silence-ridden end was emphatically undramatic. Aleen felt nothing. Arie's choosing of Lauren proves that exactly what everyone predicted: Arie just wants a 'hot dumb blonde bitch.' The most she ever opened up was her saying, "I want our dogs to meet." Arie's sole criteria appears to be that Lauren is very hot, which she is, but c'mon. Needless to say, they spend the whole episode criticizing Arie because as it turns out, his creepy hands were one of his better traits. Enjoy life with borin' Lauren, Arie- though we hope she turns you down. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Aleen discuss the Women Tell All and Fantasy Suites episodes, since rebranded as the “Romantic Overnight Date” episode. Sami quips that the first thing that stood about the Women Tell All episode is that the show was much better without Arie. Aleen then discusses a Betches controversy; Arie blocked @betchesluvthis on Twitter, so the drama is real. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices